Well, its been almost a year since i have written. I've thought about it but just haven't felt the need. I noticed a lot of people haven't been using LJ lately.
So humm.. where to start?
Um, this is the end of me and David, as of like 2 weeks ago. I want to fight but then again i know i should give up. This whole situation just makes me hate humanity as a whole.
My life hasn't really changed at all in the past year, maybe even more.
I still hate school. My mom is still the same. Relationships still suck. Working sucks.
Lately I havne't really wanted to do anything. I hang out with friends but i really dont get any enjoyment out of it.
Last night was kinda cool though. I had an old friend that i used to write about all the time call me out of the blue. His life has been pretty bad lately too. Maybe even worse than mine. Hes been in and out of rehab and back in again. Hopefully he will stay on the right path. Regardless, it was good seeing and hearing from him last night.
Today one of my friends wants me to go to her birthday party, which is conveniently being held at David's place. I think i'm going to go with my friend jessica and it if turns out terrible, we will just leave.
I need to learn to take things lightly, but sometimes its so hard. I need to just not let worry take over.
I've been staying at my moms a lot lately since we are working on the tile in my apartment. I still don't want to live there. Its lonely, and its far.
I got this new job last week. The third one this year already. The good part is that it pays a hell of a lot more than i have made in the past.
I really don't like staying at my moms because it seems like she blames me for everything. She says i don't clean up after myself and somehow i manage to fuck everything up.
Her stupid internet isn't working for some reason so i have to sit outside in the heat with my laptop burning a hole through my legs just to sit on the internet and do something instead of laying on the couch. And of course, the internet not working is somehow my fault. I just wish i didn't have to stay here with her. I mean sure i could stay in my apartment, but like i said its far from everything, and most of all it is lonely.
Being lonely is the last thing i need right now, even though i hate people.
I wish i knew what to do to feel better. I wish it weren't that hard. I wish i could erase all of my past mistakes so David and I could be happy. I hate thinking about him but it seems thats all I talk about or think about. How can one stupid person be so powerful and not even have to do anything?
I feel like i could write a book, or i need to just to get all of my feelings out. Maybe i just need to read a book. A good educational book.
who knows. maybe i just need all the answers. If only i knew the right questions to ask first.
Ehh, its so hot out here, but i really don't want to go inside and deal with my mom.
I want the next few hours (and even years) to just fly by like i'm not even here.