`I · Was · Lucid.`

so i've had a terrible... going on .... 8 days
it all started last week when david decided to do do his band shit for 5 days. i'd really like to support him in that whole matter but i mean come on.... its not that serious... 5 days. everyday he would call me at like 12 at night and then want to spend time with me and have the nerve to say that i was smothering him. well on friday everything was better he came over to my moms house and we dyed our hair the same color red. (it looks really good) then we left in a mad rush to get back to his house for his friend marilyn's party. well that was cool then this girl that i dont like was there, so the whole night i had to like ignore her bc david made me promise that i would start shit with her since it was his friend blah blah blah. well she was the laughing stock of the party... everyone that saw her was like wtf is she on. haha. it made me feel good. well at the end of the night i couldn't take her moronicness anymore and had to say soemthing. then as david is pushing her out the door she gives me this nasty look and i was like look bitch you better walk out before you get your ass kicked, and david got really mad at me. so we argued for the rest of the night/morning... then he was just a douche bag for the rest of the day saturday. well that night we were supposed to go to the fetish party and i was annoyed all day from having his friends tag along with me to a photoshoot which put me in a terrible mood. well me and D argued some more and i decided to go to my moms to get ready for the party... well we met at the party and everything was allrgiht and sunday was cool, same with yesterday and he wants to spend the day with me today. tahts the good part. the bad part of the rest of the week was that on friday i foudn out that i am being demoted at my job bc of a new manager. i didnt do anything wrong and she decides to bring in people from her store to take over ours... which means that she cut my hours this week from work 6-2 mon, wed, fri to 12-4 wed, fri. which really sucks. i have 8 fucking hours. i really wanted to talk to my mom about all of that the stuff with david, my job and blah blah but she was with her fiance. well when i went to her house saturday to get ready she had the door locked on me so i had to bang to get in, when she opened the door shes like are you ok? and i was like no and told her everything. well i didnt talk to her the next day and i go to her house yesterday morning to take a shower and get ready to go look for a new job and her fucking door is locked again. so i call her and shes like well you have to respect my house and clean up after yourself. well i didnt fucking have time to not to mention i was going to do it when i got there monday but she felt like being a cunt. so my whole day yesterday was fucked up bc she had no consideration about my stress. way to make a bad week worse. so D took me out to dinner which really helped. i love him. so i call my mom today to make sure shes going to leave the door open so i can do my homeowrk and i tell her that i wont be able to make my bills next motnh bc i will only be able to work 4 of the 8 hours that my job gave me this week bc i havge to study for a midterm tomorrow and that stupid bitch manager dosent want me to come in 8-12 like i would normally do. she like my mother has no consideration so i call my mom to tell her that and again... no consideration and replys with "thats life". ugh so i'm mad today i was mad yesterday, sunday, saturday, friday, and the rest of last week. when is it going to get better. when i talked to one of my other managers today she was like hey dont worry these things usually come in 3's. but when is it going to end. its like four thigns already. arguments with david (though they are over now), my job, then his friends tagging along and fucking up my day, then my mom.... and more of my mom fucking shit up.... my goodness.... what else is there. shouldn't this shit be over? fuckign life sucks right now. thank god i have david and he understands

and now is the time to rant again
so today is the first day that i have been home in i dont even know how long. David is out of town on a trip that i was supposed to go with him to but his mom was being very inconsiderate (which is the only nice way to put it) so i was not able to make the trip which really sucks becase we both miss eachother already and he only left this morning at like 5 am. i guess its because we spend so much time together we aren't used to being apart now.
my grandpa called me like an hour ago and just had to annoy the shit out of me. he asked me how i was doing and i told him the usual about how i'm glad its summer and he asked when i go back and i said unfortunitly in 3 1/2 weeks, blah blah blah. then he asks me if i'm still with david and i'm like yeah why not? and he starts telling me that david is only using me... and i'm like what the hell for? where do adults get these things from. him and my mom have to say this about every guy that i'm with. its so fucking annoying. so he keeps saying that shit which put me in an even worse mood today. i just want my david.
ohh and on top of it my roommate is here. she cooked dinner with her so decided to lock my cat meowing outside on the porch in 90 + degree weather. who does taht? no wonder my cat is so loud... not to mention she gets no attention with me not being here since david can't park here over night. why do so many things in my life have to be shitty?
at least i have david
well anywyas so she comes up to me about 5 mins ago and asks for the pool key. well its in my car with the mail key. she thinks because she pays a whole $500 per month (which rent for this place is worth so much more) she gets to use everything. well i think not. especially when they cook dinner and she locks my cat outside... leaves the food out there doesnt even bring it in when she is done... leaves MY dishes on the counter (granted they are clean - shes lucky) ohh and the kitchen floor is all dirty because her friend didnt take off his shoes when he walked in MY house, which after i paid to get the carpet cleaned she still doesnt have the decency to leave her and her guests shoes at the door (its not that hard). ugh ohh and how does she clean the floor once i say something? with my swiffer. i love it.
i'm just so annoyed right now
anyways on a better note, i did a shoot this weekend with my new friend Jaime, shes really cool. i had a good time. David and Danny came with me and htey got some pictures in friday night, then saturday i shot some more with david, an a solo of myself. fiday i took some with Jaime but they didnt come out good because it was dark by the time we were all ready, which sucks but ohh well. hopefully there is at least one good shot. Next weekend we plan to shoot with another photographer which i'm looking forward to. i wanted to shoot a lot this summer but this is the first shoot so far. maybe it will get me in loop :)
i love taking pictures and i hope the ones with david turned out good!
i can't wait unitl he comes back tomorrow, its not even a long trip and i can't function without him. sad face.
well i just downloaded the entire nightmare on elm street series so i'm gonna fall asleep to that.
i should already be sleeping seeing as i have to get up at 6 am, but ohh well

i was in colorfast the other day ago with david while he was getting some work on his squid and i was looking at this bamboo plant and thought of a new tat idea.
its a bridge made of bamboo with asian scenary, not really elaborate but it looks good in my head. i figure it symbolizes my path through college. its going to be a bridge that looks rough and scary to cross bc its bamboo. but its strong... and its possible to get across. so yea. cheesey. i think i'm gonna get it when i graduate. not sure where though, maybe it will replace the koi idea on my thigh, maybe not. and also i thought of another idea... i'm gonna get some AFI lyrics either on my right calf or the back of my right sholder come across from my neck. i'm not sure which lyrics i want yet, i have a few ideas i think i'm gonna make a poll to put online and decide from there. i know... your gonna say afi is gay. but no, really they aren't lol
i haven't listened to them in so long because of the fact they signed dreamworks but i was in a really bad mood yesterday on my way to school and there was nothing on 93.1 or 103.1 so i turned to 88.5 and they were playing an older song by afi which put me in a better mood. so i listened to them when i got home from work and was listening to the lyrics and realized i really wanted their words tattooed on me. its so poetic (and i guess you could say cliche; but FUCK you!) haha
so yea anyways
here i am on campus in the computer lab doing anything but homework. i have one last paper to write and 2 tests to study for before david gets off at 8, think i'll make it? i better get started now.
so anywyas i just posted a bulletin on myspace that i wanted to post here as well
here it is:

now this is love

i dont know whether to be really happy or really sad.
i feel depressed. and mad about school.
it really needs to be over now, i have like 3 weeks left
but ughh its going by so slow. so its being mad about this
or happy about David.
we are really happy together, it is the best thing
that is really all i have to say about that situation.
he just makes me really happy everytime we are together,
but then when we are not, l
ike times like this that i have to be at school or work
it sucks...
blehh

so this was a pointless post
>.

ok, so last night i was super stressed. david rode his bike to georgia on saturday (by himself) which is pretty scary for anyone who cares about someone. he called me around 7 from georgia to let me know he got there safely. well he was supposed to come back sunday around 3 cuz he had something to do, by 5 something i hadn't heard from him all day so i called. his phone still just rang then went to the answering machine which lead me to believe he was either on the bike going somewhere or his phone was still at home on the charger. so a little later around 9 when i still haddn't heard from him i started to get worried. so many thoughts raced through my head (as imagined) and i called steve to vent, we came up with a bunch of possibilities (wrecked, got arrested, bad april fools joke, lost my number, ect) so by that time i tried to get a hold of his roomate or someone to no avail. by 12 i think i called again to see if he just forgot to call or got too busy, or was tired and fell asleep. god knows i couldnt fall asleep at that point, i had a paper that need to be written and i could think about anything but how and where david was. so i ended up just deciding to go lay in bed to try to sleep aruond 4:30 and i think i fell asleep sometime after 5 am. i woke up at like 7:45 with still no information, so i called him again around 8 very distraught. still no info. so i told myself after my first class i would call the number he called me from on saturday to see when he left after i checked myspace to see if anyone sent me anything. so i talked to some friends who were encouraging then went to the library to check myspace. low and behold one of david's best friends friend sent me a message saying that david got arrested in georgia for speeding and running from the cops. well at least now i know he is ok. such a load off of my back. it never really noticed how it feels to be so worried about someone who is not my mother. i mean i do this all the time when i cant get ahold of my mom, i always freak out and call highway patrol (which i did for david lol, i called south florida, central florida, and north florida, couldnt find georgia to call though) to see if my mom crashed cuz i know she travels to miami way too much for work. but i realized how much i can care for a person. its a nice feeling and yet it can be the hardest thing in the world. i'm just so happy and relieved that i know where he is. i truly hate that motorcycle now.
anyways i just had to write this to get it out. hes probably gonna be like lkasdjlj i dont want everyone on LJ knowing what happened lol. but i had to >.<
i miss him, he needs to hurry up and get out of jail

so i went to go see my grandmother today. just what i was expecting, shes not doing so well. i dont know if it is something mental that is going on or what. for the first few mins it was really hard too see, and the fqct that she didn't really recognize me. she forgot a lot of english too so like they say in miami, instead of being spanglish, my grandmother speaks franglish. so anywho my mom also believes she has a neurological disorder, she had a bnuch of pills in the house so we wrote them down, in front of her, she seemed mainly oblivious and it turns out that she does have a neurological disorder, and also a depression disorder. so this wasn't such great news; at least she is alive.
i have to go to dinner now though
on a birghter side mmmm french food

red wine, white wine, and moonshine. all in the course of 2 hours.
ohh and they keyboards here are different, what a pain in the ass.
so just let all of you who care know... my flight was alright, got coach which sucked but whatever.
all i have to do now is finish homework and vacation starts
woohoooo

Haha psychology is funny, especially abnormal psych, I love it. The more is study it the more I think I have every disorder in the book. When I wrote my paper on mood disorders I was like wow, I definitely have one of those. Then now I’m writing about anxiety disorders, and I definitely have one of those as well. Ohh gosh whats next, lets see… eating disorders, I wonder if I have one of those too lol

ok, so next wed. i'm going to france with my mom. we are going to see my grandma and what is up with her. she hasn't kept in contact with us for the last 8 months or so. i really dont know what to expect, all i know is that i hope she is ok. my mom finally found out where she was living... she had to have the police over there investigate. creepy. i really miss my grandma, and i'm scared to find out what is over there. i'm really nervous actually. nervous and scared. i love her, i miss her, and all thats inbetween. the more i think about going over there the more depressed i get. what if we get there and get bad news, i dont know. being nervous is a strange feeling i think. hey i should be lucky to be going to europe... anyone else would be elated. nope, i'm nervous. there really are no other words to explain how i feel. i almost do not want to go, but i'm not the kind of person to chicken out. i'm going to miss a very important day at school, not that i really care abuot that because i really need to go see my grandma, i cant even remember when the last time i saw her was. she stopped sending me letters about a year ago. whatever i dont want to think about this anymore, i really wish i weren't alone right now.
>.

i swear one of these days its all gonna fall out

... as i knock on wood

i have a new tattoo idea!! but i probably wont get it for quite a while seeing as i have so many projects i want to get done, just no money to do them. so here it goes. i want a trail of cherry blossoms / random flowers and vines coming from the back of my shoulder around the side of my arm reaching down to the middle of my boobie. that sounds hot doesnt it?~!?!? lol so this just came to me, i'll add it to my list :) as for now i'm really working on getting my koi within the next month hopefully. then i can think about my shoulder and if i really want it. what is with this. i dont know why i would do that much thinking though because i like to get tattoos completely compulsive, so then i have no regret. but then again i've been doing a lot of tattoo thinking since i turned like what.... 16?!!? haha. well i just wanted to get that out.